I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
