Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
