I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
