turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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