I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Randomize
