Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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