woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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