Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
