Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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