he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I am naked and annoyed.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
