she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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