I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
We're too hungover to prance.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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