here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
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