So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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