Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
