That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
