if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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