You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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