It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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