why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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