I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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