The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
