if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
