I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
