is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
