and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
