You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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