Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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