I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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