I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
