well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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