im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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