mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
