mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
