It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
