The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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