tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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