Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
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josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
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We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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