Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
