she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
