I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
