just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
