I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
