You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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