I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
