does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
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Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
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I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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