A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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