Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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