I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
