Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize