Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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