all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Drake has all the answers
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
