margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
