why didn't you poke me back
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
