xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
