There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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