I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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