first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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