i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
