My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Randomize
