I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
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