Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
