What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
