i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
