sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
