I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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