It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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