she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
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