I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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